Normality Again

By Melanie

 

 

 

 

Her life had changed while she’d been unaware.

 

She’d been lucid and sane for a month with no relapses and nothing was the same.

 

While she had been battling demons and gods in her mind her friends and family had moved on without her. The most glaring example of that had been Liam Angel her mind whispered.

 

When she’d first retreated into her mind, unable to deal with the stress of her parents’ marriage breaking up he had been there with her.

 

She’d renamed him of course. Made him her Angel, her protector, her guide… she’d trusted him more than anyone else in the world besides possibly her uncle.

 

Of course he hadn’t been her uncle there.

 

Her favorite uncle had played her Watcher, but his most important role was that of her honorary father. She’d given him a job, a British accent, a life.

 

Then there were her friends and her enemies… most of the time not even close in attitude or likeness to those that were real.

 

But always there had been Liam Angel.

 

She knew the exact moment she’d realized that the doctor had been right.

 

The last time she had spent any significant amount of time in ‘reality’ he’d tried to tell her that those friends, her minds traps to keep her locked within itself had ceased to be comforting for her, that they were slowly destroying her.

 

She hadn’t believed him, had sought refuge once more within the confines of her world. The real one to scary, to real for her to deal with.

 

But then William Spike had attacked her. Tried to rape her within her own home, her own bathroom. Her best friend at one time now he was her enemy.

 

It only got worse after that. Willow, sweet Willow had changed to the Will that Buffy had grown up with. The mean spirited, angry girl that had lashed out at everyone and everything. She’d tried to kill Dawn, tried to destroy the world.

 

Alex Xander had stopped her. Buffy had been surprised after Willow had changed that he’d not reverted to what she remembered him being. The self-indulgent womanizer.

 

But even before she was hospitalized Alex had been nice to her. Protective of her. Especially where Liam Angel was concerned. So it seemed even in the world her mind had created that hadn’t changed.

 

The one constant between her lives, her realities had been her feelings of love for Liam Angel. She’d depended on him to always be there for her, she’d expected that when she felt ready to come out of her mind that he would be waiting for her.

 

But he hadn’t.

 

He hadn’t come until almost a month after she had come back. Her mother had told her that she had called him. Had asked him to come although she hadn’t told him that Buffy was sane once more.

 

Part of her was aware that the reason her mother hadn’t said anything was so as to not destroy him if he came and she had once more retreated to Sunnydale. Like she had destroyed her parents when she had chosen Sunnydale over them the last time.

 

They didn’t understand that Sunnydale was no longer a happy place for her. That her ‘friends’ were slowly destroying her. She couldn’t go back to that… even for Dawn.

 

So she waited for him. Not sure of when he was coming… not sure if he was coming. The last time he’d come to see her she’d attacked him and she hadn’t been lucid enough to explain why.

 

To explain that in her mind her Angel had lost his soul and was trying to kill her, couldn’t explain about William’s voice whispering in her ear that he had moved on… with William’s Dru.

 

She’d been sleeping when she’d felt someone in the room. Even with her eyes closed she knew it was him, both of her loves had a presence that seemed to displace everything and everyone else in the room.

 

She could feel him moving around her room, heard the whisper as he set something down on her bedside table. Heard his movements as he sank into the chair that her mother had vacated just a few hours ago.

 

She almost gave herself away when she felt him trace a finger along her cheek.

 

“I love you always,” he whispered his lips touching her cheek gently.

 

With a hint of a smile she opened her eyes and frowned as she took in his appearance.

 

Maybe she was still in Sunnydale because her Liam looked suspiciously like her Angel… or maybe it was Angelus.

 

Angelus was the one with the leather fetish after all and Liam had never been one for wearing much leather. The faded black leather jacket that had been handed down from his father to him his sole leathery item.

 

But still she couldn’t help herself. They were one and the same after all. If she loved one she loved the other. So she reached out to cup his cheek. His eyes were still closed and he jumped slightly at the movement.

 

“Buffy,” he started eyes wide as he stared at her in shock.

 

“Angel,” she breathed. “I’m glad you’re here,” her hand settling once more on the bed beside her as her eyes closed.

 

**************************************************************************************

 

Looking back on it now she should probably have just faked sleeping and let him leave… It had taken about an hour to explain things to him and even then he hadn’t really bought any of it.

 

When he’d left it had been with a promise that he would come back. One that he hadn’t kept.

 

It had been two weeks and she’d not seen him at all. Had not heard from him, the only thing she had got from him was a bouquet of flowers that had been delivered two days after he had left her room.

 

She should really have not listened to her subconscious, the one that had been yelling at her that the man sitting with her was Angel not Liam and she could only really blame it on the leather.

 

How had Liam changed so much that leather had become an every day item in his wardrobe?

 

At least she hadn’t called him Angelus.

 

The door slamming open and admitting her smiling mother distracted her once more from her Liam/Angel/Angelus thoughts.

 

“Hi baby,” Joyce was so happy to have her daughter back that she was dealing with Hanks anger at her calling of Liam. She couldn’t make him understand the necessity of calling Liam. That she could see Buffy slipping just a little further away from them every day. She had been so scared that her baby girl would once again choose Sunnydale over her parents that she had made a rash decision.

 

One she would make over again if given the choice. Because it had worked. Liam’s one visit had stabilized Buffy in a way that Joyce and Hank hadn’t been able to do.

 

“Are you ready to go?” Joyce looked around the bare room. Buffy’s recovery had been so miraculous, her therapy progressing so quickly that it the doctors had seen no reason why she couldn’t continue it as an out-patient. She’d been told numerous times by the doctor that if she even looked like she was relapsing that they would rehospitalize her immediately.

 

“Yeah,” standing she ran her hands nervously down the denim jumper that her mother had brought her to where. Not her normal clothing but at least it covered the fact that she had lost so much weight since she’d been at the institution.

 

“I thought An… Liam would come back before…” she trailed off as she picked up the little duffel bag that she had packed her essentials in. Fingering the strap she tried not to jump as she felt her mothers’ gentle touch on her back.

 

“Oh baby didn’t he tell you?”

 

“Tell me what?” she glanced over at her.

 

“He left in such a hurry he might not have had time,” Joyce shook her head. “There was some emergency at his job in New York… he had to fly back there the night he saw you.”

 

“He didn’t tell me,” Buffy mumbled in soft voice her head hanging.

 

“He’s coming back sweetie,” Joyce stated. “I’m sure of it.”

 

“Yeah,” she whispered quietly. She knew, even if her mother didn’t, that Liam wouldn’t be returning. He’d left her just like Angel had left her… only this time she was alone… with no friends to cheer her up this time.